What Marriage Means to Me.
I think you can tell a lot about someone by what their view of marriage is.
Some people hate the idea of marriage and think that it would squash their goals and dreams. Some people think marriage is the best, and can’t wait until they meet the right person to become their spouse. Some people are married and treat their marriage like a burden that they just had to settle for. The list goes on and on, and I love hearing people talk about their opinions and thoughts on such a big thing.
With the crazy last couple of months and how full of transition this next year is going to be, I’ve been thinking about what marriage really means to me.
To me, marriage is being on a team. It’s having a teammate in life, and having someone to cheer on.
It’s having someone who is always on your side, no matter what. It’s loving someone so much that you are always on their side. Chris and I disagree so often, but at the end of the day, I know he’s always on my side. I may think he’s being a complete idiot about something and just know I’m right, but I will forever be on his side. It’s just how this works, and it’s beautiful.
It’s building a life with your best friend. From the big moments, like moving somewhere new, to the small moments, like sorting the laundry…it’s all with your best friend.
It’s the security of knowing that no matter how badly you mess up or how many people turn their backs on you, there is someone who is still going to love you and be on your team.
Through the twists and turns, it’s having someone right beside you. To roll with the punches with you, to nod when you look over and say, “I did not see this one coming.” To walk through the good and bad with you, through the mundane and the unexpected with you, through the good decisions you make and the terrible choices you make.
It’s never being alone, even when you are.
I was having lunch with an engaged friend not too long ago and she was talking about some relationship issues she was having, and she said, “I mean, if it works out, great. If not, I’ll be fine.” When I said I couldn’t imagine feeling so flippant over something as big as a marriage, she said, “Yeah, but it’s different. You love Chris. Like, you’re really, really in love with him still.”
You should marry someone that you love. That you’re really, really in love with.
I would not be fine without Chris. And that’s okay. I think it’s kind of taboo to say that, because we’re supposed to be strong and independent and not need anyone.
It doesn’t make me weak, it makes me in love. I’m in love with Chris. I’m in love with the life that we have together. I’m in love with my marriage, because of what it means to me. I’m in love with having a partner in life. It is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.
So to me, my marriage is my favorite. It’s the best. I couldn’t imagine life without it.
What does marriage mean to you?
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Oh gosh, I love this. Marriage is really, really loving someone, deep down in your soul forever. Marriage is sticking with it even in the moments when you may not like a person all of the time, but you know it will pass. Marriage is sharing the memories of children and looking forward to many more moments. And marriage is choosing your partner every single day and making them a priority, because they are your best friend. Love this, friend!
I really love this. I'm getting married and have had a hard time putting my thoughts into words. Would you mind if I borrowed some of your thoughts from this post for our ceremony?
This is great. I feel similarly about my marriage. What a cool, wonderful gift it is!
I would eventually be fine if something were to happen to MFD, but I would not be fine for a while. You can be both in love and strong and independent. It's just that it would take a while to get back to 100%, and that's okay. For me, anyway.
I like to talk about marriage a lot too. So many different perspectives on it.
OMG she did not say that. eek, that girl should not be getting marriage, yikes!
your post sums up exactly how i now feel about the idea of marriage. But before i met my current partner i was completey against the idea of getting married. I couldnt imagine ever tying my life to someone else that way. But now i cant imagine anything better. Tho i do admit that im still completely against having a wedding.
Yes! I was just writing something similar…it's our anniversary next week and I was trying to explain what I always knew I wanted in a marriage was to be a team. I dated plenty before and it was never that way but then with my husband (then boyfriend) everything was an "us" and we were in it together. That's the best thing you can have! And someone that you love so much it makes you cry (I also said that in my post haha). I wish that everyone could find this kind of love. Because it's everything.
It's an amazing feeling to have someone. My husband is definitely my teammate and I will admit there are times when the relationship is tough but in the end we are really, really in love 🙂 I'm glad that you, too, have someone you're really, really in love with and can't live without.
I was just thinking recently about a post I wrote over a year ago about how I wasn't ready for marriage and how now I feel totally different. I'm excited for the commitment and know it's right. I agree with your thoughts on it. Not only is he my partner and we are a team… he had made me realize when I'm wrong and makes me want to be a better person. And vice versa. It's like always learning new things about each other!
This is beautiful commentary and lovely insight into your view on marriage. I think all relationships should be about being a team. Jordan introduced that concept to me when we first started dating and honestly it has made all the difference in my feelings towards our relationship (and relationships in general). It helps that "team" is totally his buzzword, anytime I want him to agree with me I can say "But I wanted to go to the pumpkin patch as a team" and it's like the word totally makes him cave. I try not to be too manipulative though (:
It sounds like your friend was so unhappy in her relationship. I get her perspective in the sense that I have been in a few long term "serious" relationships that have ended. A serious relationship ending is HORRIBLE but at the end of the day you have to be OKAY and know you will be OKAY because that is survival. I don't think that is an excuse not to put work into a relationship though some people will always use it that way. Great post!
Marriage truly is the best! I tell everyone those words when they ask me how being married is going [just celebrated two years]. I am a huge proponent of being independent and having interests outside your spouse, because YOU are an important person, but, I would NOT be okay without my husband. I honestly don't know how I lived without him sometimes. I am truly so in love and so comfortable with him and I can't imagine going through the ups and downs of life without HIM as my best friend.
Your friend should NOT be getting married. I hope she figures that out before the wedding. Her flippant attitude is scary and i feel bad for her husband to be.
I love how much you love your husband! You guys are too cute!
Yes! Jordan and I always say we are on a team together. Your engaged friend makes me kind of sad.
Love this! I would not be fine without my husband either. And that's not to say that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself, it's saying that I wouldn't have a life that's as complete, as fulfilling, as fun without him. And frankly? I think that's the way it's supposed to be!
I have a friend who is going to be engaged any minute who constantly says stuff like that. Recently she said if they don't end up married, she will feel like she wasted the last three years of her life, and I'm just like that's not a reason to marry someone! I couldn't live without my Chris either, and he couldn't live without me, and that's OK. I hate how society makes it seem like it's not. We love saying that we're on a team. There's a Relient K lyric that says "we should get jerseys because we make a great team," and we constantly say it to each other because it's both goofy and true. 🙂
I love reading posts about marriage and getting some insight. Marriage is a scary word for many people, especially when divorce is thrown around so much. I think marriage is incredible and I love being married, but I also wouldn't recommend it to anyone because only you know when it's the right thing. Thank you for sharing this. It made my heart so happy 🙂
I love this. Even though we're not married yet, I hate all the views people have nowadays. I don't care who you marry but I think people marry for the wrong reasons. i think so many focus on the wedding and can't see past that, which is so sad. It's hard for me to comment on marriage since I'm not married but I love your views on it. You have the right idea, my friend.
I completely agree about being a team. I wasn't sure about how I felt about marriage or having a family until I met Scott. He came into my life, and it felt like I was home. Nine years and three kids later, there is no one I would rather have on my team through life's ups and downs. He's smart, funny and supportive. We may not be perfect, but we're perfect for each other. Cheers, E
My divorce taught me a lot of things – namely what I didn't want in a marriage. So when I met Izzy I knew exactly what to look for and what warning signs to steer clear of. Luckily, despite our imperfections we're pretty great for each other.
My heart breaks for your engaged friend, I hope things improve before she walks down the aisle. I'm with you as in I have a teammate for life that I love and respect above all others <3
I think what you said is so true. There have been a few times I've been furious with my husband, but I still love him! I think you gave your engaged friend wise advice, I hope she listens!
So I am not married, nor do I have a boyfriend, but this post really resonated with me. I just want someone to do life with, and someone who also considers me their #1 person! It seems like you've found that and I would love to find that for myself :]
​​xx katie // A Touch of Teal
i love this so very much and i feel the same! about your comment on "…because we're supposed to be strong and independent and not need anyone." i think we can be all of those things. i feel strong and independent (and for me that means i think for myself, make choices and have goals of my own) while still being head over heels in love and needing my husband by my side! thanks for this post 🙂
Completely agree, Dave and I always talk about how it's so nice to have someone on your team, that you know you get to do EVERYTHING with and you don't get sick of them, ever! It's awesome! Love, love marriage 🙂
Beautifully said. I think marriage to me is partnership…it's a gift to live life with someone. The challenges are made more bearable by having Jordan on my side.
Well said! Thank you for sharing this. I love posts like this on marriage and relationships – they encourage such positive conversation especially for people who may be in a situation like your friend. Yay marriage!
I love this. That's how I'd like to view marriage if and when I get married. I, personally, would be fine without ever getting married. I also think I'd be fine if I get married–as long as it was with the right person and we had a team, like you said. That's how my parents marriage is and it's definitely what I'm looking for if/when I get married. 🙂
I think one's definition changes as they change. When we were newlyweds is meant one thing and then when we conceived another. Now with a crazy toddler and full time jobs for each of us something else.
This is going to sounds like a Hallmark card, but I mean it honestly: building a life and a family with my best friend. Life – both ups and downs – is so much better with him than it ever was without him. We're a great team.
Marlene
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It's so true how much society says we're supposed to be all independent and not need anyone. That's cool and all, and I could take care of myself just fine, but I freaking love depending on my husband and him depending on me. I'm in love with the man and our little team just rocks. He's my best friend and wherever life takes us, it's so important to remember to prioritize each other…. even over (gasp) children!
Omg I completely agree with you! Even though Kevin and I are not married yet, we always say we are a team no matter what and he is my best friend. I would not be fine without him and I cannot think about another person who understands me and know me that much.
I couldn't possibly love this more! I've been working on a similar post. My husband and I are currently long distance while he's stationed overseas and in the last few months since he's been gone, I've been able to really step back and look at our marriage and I've felt so much more appreciative of him (not that I wasn't before). Marriage is hard work and having a spouse who's in the military and stationed thousands of miles away, makes it even more challenging. It's so amazing to be married to my best friend and to have the love and support that I have from him. Great post!
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