Some Funny Things as of Late.

I used to be really good at documenting the funny, sometimes bizarre things that tend to happen to me. My friends always make fun of the awkward situations (and people) I seem to attract. I thought it’d be fun to round some of those up. 

One:

I was meeting Sam for lunch a few weeks ago (when it was still a little chilly) and was waiting for her on the porch of a restaurant. I’d been there for a few minutes when an older man, maybe in his 60’s, approached me to tell me he thought I should probably go inside. 

Me: I’m sorry? 

Him: You should go inside. I can tell you’re cold. 

Me: I’m fine! 

Him: No, really. You’re obviously cold. 

Me: …

Him: I can tell your cold. Your nips are showing. They’re cold, and they’re showing. 

NOW. The above is obviously inappropriate no matter what, but I would like to state, for the record, that not only was I wearing a bra this day, I was wearing a hoodie. So no matter how cold I was, this man saw nothing. 

I could either go inside like he suggested (which, NOPE), or leave (which, nope) so I just sat there and looked at him and didn’t say anything. He got in his car and left, and that was that. 

What is wrong with people? 

Side note: I texted my mom about this, and she texted back in all caps, MY NIPS, MY BUSINESS, which will now be my new life motto, thank you for understanding. 

Two:

I met a new friend at the neighborhood pool a few weeks ago, who was wearing big sunglasses. She took them off, introduced herself and her little boy to me and Jack, and we hit it off. I mentioned I’d love to get together soon and we went on our ways. 

Last week, I was at the pool, when she showed up in her big sunglasses. I wave and we strike up a conversation. I went to leave and said, “I’d love to have a coffee date with you and your sweet little boy (I couldn’t remember his name) soon!” She sat straight up and said, “How did you know?” 

Me: What? 

Her: How did you know it was a boy? 

Me:…What? 

Her: Takes sunglasses off, is definitely not the same person I met a few weeks ago, does not even live in the neighborhood, and has just found out she’s having a baby boy. 

Tell me something awkward that’s happened to you lately!