Three Years a Mom: Happy Birthday, Baby Jack.

Jack, 

I’m writing this the night before your third birthday. It’s way too late for you to be napping, but you are. You’re curled up against me, breathing deep and slow and radiating so much heat that I’m starting to sweat (you’ve always been a little furnace, from day one). The simple act of watching your chest rise and fall, watching how your eyelashes flutter just a little bit as you’re in between deep sleep and waking up, seeing how peaceful your face looks as you dream…it fills me with so much love my chest feels like it’s going to explode. 

You turn three tomorrow, a fact that elicits both a shrug and shock from me. Shock because, how? How are you this old? Didn’t I bring you home from the hospital like, last week? But also shrugs because, only three? Haven’t you just been around forever? Haven’t you always been a part of life? All I know for sure is that my life is so much better, so much happier, so much more full of joy with you in it. 

I want to say thank you. This year has been a hard one in a lot of ways. There were many days that brought me to my knees, and there you always were, ready to snuggle, to share snacks, to demand a baby shark dance party. You didn’t even know, and you may never know, just how many days you saved for me this year. I’m thankful for you for a billion reasons, but those days brought a particularly sacred kind of thankfulness for you. 

Now, I may be writing you a letter, but this is also a blog post, and I strive to be honest around here, so I have to let you in on a little secret: YOU ARE DIFFICULT. I am so thankful for you and so in love with you, but kid, you give me a run for my money on a daily basis. I have never been so tired in my whole life. But another secret: I wouldn’t change a single second of it. You may drain me on the daily, but good grief if you don’t fill me up even more. I’ve never been so full of so much goodness in my life. You are pure happiness, pure love, pure sweetness. You are everything. I can’t believe you’re mine. 

You are all of the good things: Brave, kind, trusting, good. You love making people laugh and have the funniest little sense of humor. You have the gentlest heart and the boldest spirit. I can say with zero hesitation that the world will be better because you’re in it. 

I could write about you forever, but this seems like a good place to wrap it up. And by that, I mean you just woke up a smidge, stood up, threw your empty milk at me, and yelled “MILKKKK” before falling back into bed. 

Can’t wait to see how much fun three is. Happy birthday, my tiny little love.

I love you the most, always and always and always.