Things No One Told Me About Having A Toddler.

Sleep regression? IT’S REAL AND IT DOES NOT ONLY APPLY TO NEWBORNS. (See also, send coffee, I’m tired). 

They are SO SMART. I don’t know why I just assumed kids were kinda just (I can’t think of a nice way to say this so I’m gonna go with not-smart) until they were like five or so, but that’s so not true. It blows my mind how quick he learns things and how he teaches himself how to put things together. 

You will (I have) become a giant mess emotionally. Having an infant didn’t make me more emotional. Watching that infant turn into a full-on functioning human? It blows my mind and makes me cry all the time. The world can be the ugliest place, but watching such a pure soul turning into his own person just gives me so much hope on the daily. 

You will (I) have to pray for more patience daily (hourly) and no matter how much you receive, IT WILL NOT BE ENOUGH. 

Most people on who have toddlers are liars. I’m only assuming this, but before I had a toddler the majority of people who I listened to who had toddlers talked a lot about things like “quiet mornings at home” and used words like “gentle learning time” and I’M CALLING LIESLIESLIES OKAY. 

You will suddenly (seriously, like overnight) have to watch every single thing you do, because somebody else is watching every single thing you do. Jack woke up one day and started mimicking everything I do. Not joking, everything. I was doing squats, he was doing squats. I was like wiping the counters, he was looking for a rag to wipe the cabinets. So, rude finger gestures (not like I ever do those, obvs) or not-so-nice words? Those don’t fly around here anymore. 

The amount of destruction that can happen in mere minutes is both horrifying and impressive. There is no explaining how it happens, so don’t bother asking. The same tiny creature that takes approximately two hours to six business days to put their shoes on can destroy an entire room (and sometimes house) in a matter of minutes. Just stop cleaning, probably. 

It’s an adventure in every sense of the word. Sometimes it’s fun (unexpectedly so), sometimes it’s terrifying, sometimes you have no idea what you’re doing or where to go from here, sometimes you end up in a place you never thought you’d be, but you love it. 

And one thing that everyone did tell me and has been 1,000% true: toddlers are truly just like tired, drunk mini humans.