A Rude Farmer and Things You Should Probably Not Say to Your Pregnant Friends.
Last week, there was a farmer set up outside my apartment selling some produce. We stopped by his table, and he said, “If you don’t mind me saying so, you look amazing.” To which I replied, “I don’t mind at all!” But then things started to go downhill.
Farmer: “I’ve seen so many women use pregnancy as an excuse to gain hundreds of pounds.”
Really? That seems a little excessive. But okay. Can I just pay for this banana bread now?
Farmer: “It took my wife a matter of days to be back down to her pre-pregnancy weight!”
Chris: “Great! We want this banana bread.
Farmer: “The best advice I can give you is this: Don’t feel like you have to listen to anyone’s advice. Just do what you think is best, you’ll figure it out. Everyone is going to give you unsolicited advice, but just ignore it.”
Me: “That is good advice! Thank you.”
Farmer: “But, if I could just give you one piece of advice…”
Did you not just hear the words that came out of your mouth? Stop. Just let me pay for this freaking bread.
Farmer: “How old are you?”
Me: 23.
Farmer (turns to Chris): “So, your sexy, 22 year old wife from last year, she’s dead.”
Chris and I just look at each other because 1) We had no idea that I had died last year, so that was a shocker, and 2) What is happening and can we just leave now.
Farmer: “She’s dead, and she’s never coming back. This-gestures up and down at me-is what you’ve got now. The sooner you can make your peace with that, the happier you will be.”
Me: Tries really hard to not throw banana bread at farmer’s face.
So, that was quite the experience. I have so many things to say about it, but I’ll just leave it there and let you use your imagination about how I feel.
Which brings us to some things you should probably not ever say or do to someone who is pregnant. AKA, more weird and rude things that have happened to me and I feel the need to share with you, in case you have pregnant friends.
Grab their stomachs. Especially if you are not close friends with them. This is not something you say, but it gets the number one spot because it will never stop being weird to me. Never have I ever seen a pregnant woman somewhere and just decided I must put my hands on her immediately.
Say things like, “Aren’t you so glad you’re past the hard part?” We waited to tell people about the baby until the end of the first trimester, and a lot of people think that morning sickness (which is horribly named, because nothing about it is limited to the morning) ends promptly at 12 weeks. And for some people, it does. But do you know when I stopped throwing up? A few weeks ago.
Also, in the grand scheme of, you know, having a baby, I don’t feel like the first little bit is the hardest part, but that’s just me.
Ask, “How much weight have you gained?” I feel like this is just common sense. Never ever ask this question. To anyone. Ever.
Say things like, “You have no idea, just wait until _____.” I obviously know nothing about having a child, because I’ve never had one. But you know what’s not fun at all? Having people tell you that you have no idea. So when your pregnant friend mentions that her back is killing her, shooting back with, “You think your back hurts now? Just wait until you have to carry a toddler around!” helps no one. Pregnancy is hard. Just let it be hard without trying to assert your vast knowledge of hard things.
Ask, “You’re not eating _____, are you?” Either the answer is no, and there’s no reason to talk about the food I am missing out on, or the answer is yes, and there’s no reason for you to tell me why it’s a horrible idea. If your pregnant best friend is eating sushi and drinking saki bombs, then by all means, feel free to have a conversation with her. But resist the urge to talk to your pregnant acquaintance about the dangers of that second cup of coffee. Trust me, she’s heard it.
Make negative comments about having kids. In case you missed some vital days of school, I’ll fill you in on something: Being pregnant leads to having a kid. Why people think it’s okay to tell me all the negative things about having a kid, when I am clearly about to have a kid, is so confusing to me.
Ask things like, “Are you having an epidural?” Or, “Are you going to take this medication?” Exception: Totally ask these things if, when you hear the answer, your response will be: “Great!” And then move on. However, these questions usually come with a prepared rebuttal speech and that is just exhausting. Trust that if I’ve made a decision, I’ve done my research.
And, I think it goes without saying: Don’t be a rude farmer who tells people the days of being sexy are behind them. You might get banana bread thrown at your face.
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Really…I love how he says " Don't listen to other peoples advice" and then gives you stupid advice. He's lucky you didn't throw that banana bread in his face!
My personal favorite is the "You have no idea, just wait until…." I said something to an acquaintance a couple months ago about how uncomfortable I was trying to sleep and got the whole "oh just wait until later in your pregnancy, it's just going to get worse!" Gee thanks- I know. Doesn't mean I'm loving it now though.
I have no idea how you didn't throw that banana bread in his face. So rude!!! If it helps, I've pretty much ignored everyone's advice, and I've got one pretty happy dude.
Oh, and I sometimes indulged in that second cup of coffee. š
NO! He did not say that!!!! Holy cow, I think this can officially go down as the worst thing to say to anyone pregnant. I'm so sorry you were unaware you died last year—what a way to find that out š
MY GOODNESS. What a jerk! I can't even believe someone would say that to anyone, especially a stranger. Gahhh all of these things…I think one day when I'm pregnant I'm just going to hide out in my house for 9 months and not tell anybody. I don't want the advice, touching, or debates. I think I'll also hide out for a year or two after baby is born, just so random grandmas at the grocery store don't try to touch my baby.
This made me laugh! People are so crazy! I've never been pregnant, but I couldn't believe some of the stuff people said to my sister when she was. It was really strange to me how many random people felt the need to comment on it at all! I also noticed how no one seems to acknowledge the parents anymore when there is a baby around.
I think we should all just be more cognizant of what we say and how we say it!
-Kristen
http://www.pugsandpearls.com
Wow just WOW! I can't believe the things that come out of people's mouths sometimes. You guys should have walked away with some free banana bread!
Green Fashionista
You are so much better than me. I would have pointed out every single flaw in his physical appearance and then asked what his excuse was. Then I probably would have thrown the banana bread on the ground and stepped on it.
Oh good grief, my husband would have lost it! (And I probably would have chucked the bread in his face, considering my hormones these days.) I'm also weirded out when people want to touch my belly, because even being pregnant does not make me want to touch another pregnant woman without asking!
You definitely should have SMASHED that bread in his face, what an idiot!
That is just awful! I can't believe he was that rude. I don't understand why people grab pregnant women's stomachs. It's so awkward.
I would really want to kick that farmer in the nuts.
I mean… I don't even know where to start. You two are a classy couple, because I would have shoved that banana bread down his throat!! Gosh, people are so rude. And nothing is worse than unsolicited advice! For the record, you do look beautiful!
OMG I would have thrown the banana bread in his face and them made my husband do something equally as terrible LOL!! I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that! xo, Biana
I CANNOT EVEN HANDLE THAT FARMER. My former coworkers said some nasty things to me while pregnant, but that tops absolutely everything.
Some people have no sense. NONE. I could add on to your list for days!
I don't think I blogged about the person who come up and put her ear to my stomach and said, I don't hear anything. ????? Um, what?
WHAT!? OMG. I can't believe some people. What a lucky woman his wife is that she gets to spend her life with a man like that. I hope you didn't purchase his damn banana bread after that. As for your list, I absolutely hate when people undermine something you're going through and always have to one-up you. Aaarrgghh!!
Oh my, that farmer and my MIL would get along really well. Well intended but too brash. I'll never forget some of the things she said to my pregnant sister in law.
As for touching pregnant bellies, I'm with you. I was born without that impulse that makes people want to reach out and touch. Nope, no thank you!
Wow! My jaw literally just dropped reading that. Luckily I haven't had any a'hole men give me unsolicited pregnancy advice, but this story does remind me of when we were wedding ring shopping and the salesman told me I should buy a bigger size ring because I'll gain weight after I'm married. Some men are clueless.
Seriously all I can say right now is wow! I can't believe that farmer actually said that to you and your husband! Is he still married because if he said those things to his wife I'm sure he's not anymore! And I hope you didn't buy the banana bread!
Oh good grief … I'm not pregnant and yet I want to smack him with the banana bread until said bread is in crumbles!
Chelsea!!!! I apologize for being so absent! Already in the last trimester!? Amazing!!! I am so excited for you! HAHAHA that farmer is cray! What a nutcase. "Sexy wife died?" Oh brother! You can't make that stuff up! Yes, I got some crazy comments too but this takes the cakey! š Oh your baby is going to be so adorable!! So thrilled for you and gotta catch up! Hope you are eating the yummiest food and sleeping the most delicious sleeps. Ha!
Oh man… I probably would have thrown my banana bread at him! My jaw seriously dropped while reading that. His wife must put up with a lot!
Oh my gosh, I cannot believe he had the audacity to say that! To quote Stephanie Tanner, HOW RUDE!
xx katie // a touch of teal
YAS. To all of this!! You are so much nicer than me I would have put that banana bread right back down and walked away. Well, pre-pregnant me would have definitely done that, pregnant me might have reeeally wanted that banana bread!
You showed far more restraint than I ever would have, if have thrown the banana bread and then my fist…and maybe a foot….and then anything else I could find….his poor wife! I dread to think what insensitive a**hole-ish comments he made to her!
I really enjoy my personal space…I'm pretty worried for the safety of anyone who touches my belly without permission when I'm pregnant some day. Also I don't know what I would've done if someone said that to me! Seriously?! You're giving him your business and he thinks that's a wise choice of words?? Sheesh.
This is hilarious. Being 36 weeks pregnant yesterday with my 2nd I can totally relate! For some crazy reason people feel it's the one time they have the freedom to say whatever is on their mind about how u look, your weight, your decision making abilities and so on. My first pregnancy while I was 39 weeks pregnant I actually had a lady at a restaurant (who I didn't know!!!!!) lift up my shirt to see my belly. What??!! Lol.
In the end I just have to laugh about it–but yes–it's always quite shocking!
I hope you really did throw banana bread in his face because who says that???? I can't believe the things people say to pregnant women especially strangers, and unsolicited too.
whoa i can't believe he said all that stuff to you guys! i don't even know how i would've reacted ahhh. and yeah i can't imagine strangers touching my belly – so weird!
Wow. That guy is awful. People are so mean sometimes. š
You probably don't want to hear this (or maybe you do) but you have me laughing so hard right now. I'm so sorry to hear all these ridiculous things have happened to you recently, and yet I'm not surprised at all. It's shocking how people just forget themselves and common decency when they're talking to other people. I bet if we said all these things right back at them (because I'm just going to pretend like we're on the same side) they'd get all offended and go off on us for days. I sincerely hope that you really did throw that banana bread in that man's face. And if not, I hope that he sells bread outside of your house again very soon so that you will get another chance. xx
Holy moly I would've slapped that farmer so hard with my rhetoric!! I'm sure his wife just adores him… I haven't had the joy of being pregnant (yet) but I've heard some crazy things – like random people touching bellies. Ha! I'm eager to see how that goes for someone when they try to touch mine. LOL! Hope you're Monday is going great, and that the banana bread is so much better than the seller lol!
Oh my gosh, you should have thrown that banana bread! What an idiot. Seriously the world is full of them and I ache for you and the fact they say these things. Why can't people mind their own business?
Oh my gosh that is ABSURD that he said all that! It really is crazy what people feel okay saying to pregnant women. I haven't had any rude comments or anything but I've heard so many stories. So glad you were patient and able to resist the urge to fire back with a sassy comment. I would have struggled with that!
Oh my!! How rude!! I love that he told you not to listen to any advice while spurting out the worst advice ever…AND he's a man. So terrible. I was lucky to not have too many rude comments, but I've heard so many terrible stories. You are very patient! Enjoy your last few weeks being pregnant š
Ugh, I probably would've thrown the bread at him. How rude!! Some people just don't think (or have manners).
wow. I know that people can be obnoxious and that they say crazy stuff but you know, somehow I always hope they never actually do those things. I am not a baby person and dont plan on having them ever, but would never even in my craziest times say things from your list. But people are crazy around women without babies too. Dont quite understand why.
You look radiant (I went through your later posts…)
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