Do You Regret Getting Married So Young?
Every so often, I go through what I refer to as a mid-life crisis (though I hope I’m not halfway through my life already!) It’s usually just something like wanting a tattoo or wanting to chop all my hair off or change some things in my life, but sometimes it actually feels like a crisis. One where I question all of my life choices, ever, and wonder what I will ever be able to do with my life with an degree in English.
Talking through these things with a best friend over coffee is great. But talking through them with the same person you’ll be with ten years from now is fantastic. I know that no matter what, even if I have made ALL the wrong decisions and everything falls apart, I will still have someone on my team. And there just aren’t even words for that.
I crave adventure. All kinds of it. I want to travel and see all sorts of places, of course, but I also want adventure here, now, at home.
It’s fun to plan the future, to dream about all the trips we want to take. But it’s also fun to just hop in the car and go exploring on a Tuesday night. Adventure can mean Australia, but it can also mean trying that new taco place across town. When it’s with your best friend, it’s all adventure.
We make the big decisions together. Where are we going to live? What’s the first car we should buy? This part of life is full of those questions, and it’s nice to have a partner in making them. When you’re both planning on sticking together for awhile, it tends to make you want to make each other happy with the big decisions. Also, I sometimes don’t make the best decisions under pressure. So it’s nice to know that I won’t have to explain to a future spouse why I own a house in my college town and drive a neon pink car.
We really are growing up together. I am an adult, living an adult’s life, but I still feel like I have so much growing up to do. And I think I will probably feel this way for a long time…maybe forever. Sure, getting married young isn’t for everyone. I’m sure there are people who maybe do regret it. But I don’t. Having someone to do this with..to make the bad decisions and the big decisions, to go through the hard times and the best times and the let’s-just-wing-it-times, there’s just nothing like it.
I’ve read countless articles about things you should make sure you do before you get married, and I haven’t done most of them. But I know I made the right decision, because when I read these kinds of lists, all I want to do is make plans with Chris.
Because once you’ve met the love of your life, backpacking through Europe without them just doesn’t seem like fun at all.
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LOVE this post, Chelsea! I don't feel like I got married *that* young – we had both been out of school for a year, were working, etc. – but looking back almost 5 years later, 22 it starting to feel younger and younger. Honestly I did go through a short period where I didn't regret it, per se, I just started to question what if I had done things differently (and I was going through a big career/life change at the time so it really made me question everything I thought I knew about how my life was going to go). But ultimately, I agree with everything you said about how great it is to have a partner to make those decisions and go through the big stuff with. When I look back at decisions I made in my early 20s, even the ones I made with the best intentions turned out to not be the ones I want now that I'm in my mid/late 20s, but if there's one decision I got right back then, it was marrying my husband.
such a great post! I think we ALL go through those periods of time- no matter our age. People just like to point fingers to point them!
I completely agree with you. We got married in college, right after our sophomore years, and people wouldn't leave us alone about it (I think they've finally realized I wasn't pregnant! Haha). It's so fun to grow up together. As we are getting older, I am so thankful we got married when we did and know it was the right decision for us. š
LOVE this so much because I can totally relate! Dustin was 19 and I just turned 22 when we got married. Now, I'm almost 29 and he is 26 and our loves only continues to grow. We've grown up together and there is nobody else I'd rather have by my side through it ALL. I have zero regret!
Love this! Sometimes I think, "What were my parents thinking letting me get married so young!" Then I think about how I was always driven and I think everyone, but me, always knew I'd get married young!
I got married when I was 18. Right out of high school. My parents were THRILLED! Not. lol
This November we will be married for 12 years. We've definitely had our ups and downs. About 5 years ago we almost got divorced. I think that had more to do with the changes deployments had on my husband and learning to really communicate about all of it than it did with being young though. That has been the worst part of my life. It was awful, sad, scary, and lonely. I am however grateful for it because now our relationship is so much stronger. We really are a team now. We know how to lean on each other.
I don't understand why anyone would ask if you regret getting married young. like, I feel like that's a wildly inappropriate thing to ask. maybe it's just me. haha. I think that it's fantastic that you found the right person + get to spend a longer forever with him.
Yes!!! I hate when I hear people asking others inappropriate questions like this!! What does it matter at what age you got married? If you want kids or not? If you want a natural birth you are crazy. If you want to remain single there is something wrong with you. It is all things the effect YOUR life so you should what is right for you.
No one but you understands your situation or how you feel about something. I love that you are comfortable enough to say no…absolutely not. That just shows how right in your decision you are š And I agree, I can't imagine experiencing anything without my husband. That is how love is supposed to be!
I feel the same way with adventure…I went on study abroad with friends, but I would love to return and show my husband those adventures and go on others with him since our personalities are so alike….we got married at 22.
It AMAZES me, the things people think are OK to ask. But I love this post! Such a great response to such a stupid question.
I love this! I've always hated when people ask me rude questions like that. We got married at 21 after being in a 2 month long distance relationship. Not the most "ideal" marriage conditions, but when you know, you know. It didn't take long for me to fall head over heels in love with him and to know I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We'll celebrating 2 years of marriage in October and I couldn't be happier with my choice š
This is a great post! I wish people didn't feel like they had to ask this question or really any other questions about how/why you decided to make life changing decisions like marriage. We were engaged after six months and people automatically assumed we didn't know each other well enough. It's a challenge to answer questions like this with grace. I totally agree with your thoughts!
People ask such stupid questions. I'm so thankful we got married young and wouldn't change it for the world!
I think it's silly that people ask you this question especially when you are clearly still together…why would you regret it?! I understand why people advise against marrying young because many young people aren't ready for marriage. There have been relationships in my past I was very serious about. I dated a boy through highschool and the first half of college, he helped be grow and we were in love! For a long time I thought I would marry him someday, however, looking back on how much I have grown since than assures me that I wasn't ready! I needed a lot more individual experiences to determine who I am and what I want for myself let alone in someone else. Could I have grown with someone and could we have decided together? Certainly! However fory personality type I think it is best that I decide many of these paths before falling in love. Is your path right for everyone? No. But is it right for you and many others? Certainly! Is my path right for everyone? Of course not, but that doesn't mean it isn't what I need. I think there is nothing wrong with marrying whenever you choose is best for you but I think it's important to understand that most people aren't so lucky to find someone whom they can truly build a happy life with so early on so there will be people who just don't get it (even if it is rude).
This is such a great post! I feel like so many people can be critical of getting married young (and I feel like the definition of "young" keeps getting older and older). But I am so happy I got married when I did. It's so true about planning your life together, making big decisions together, and having adventures together. It has helped me to grow up so much, having his perspective and advice. I also have seen so many people have kids without being married, it's become so common, but having had a baby in a marriage, I don't know how I would have done it alone!!
Love is beautiful no matter how young or old you get married. Although I'm glad in some ways I am getting married in my 30's it makes me a little sad that I didn't meet Chuck sooner. š great post!
I've passed the age of marrying "young" but I can identify with a lot of this. Life can be difficult (even for those of us with English degrees!), but it's nice to have someone with whom you can navigate the tough waters. Another beautiful post!
I think we all make decisions based on what is right for us. While getting married young for me wasn't plausible, for you it was a decision you made with the possibilities you listed above in mind. It's what works best for you. It's what makes you happy. Why do people have to be so rude about that? It's all about respecting other's choices.
People actually ask you that? Thats just rude. Go you I think everyone is free to make their own decision about when to get married. Many many people marry young so the question is just ridiculous!
I actually love your relationship and I love how to you he's your best friend. If it counts, I think you've made a good decision. But just so you know, Australia isn't that much of an adventure š
-M
The Life of Little Me
I can't believe people actually ask you that. Ridiculous.
I got married relatively young (26) and after almost 11 years of marriage, it's been a great choice. I don't think there's a right or wrong age to get married because every relationship is different and evolves at its own pace. If it feels right to get married young, go ahead and do it. And life is definitely more fun with someone you love by your side.
I can't believe people ask you that.
Actually, I can, because people don't have common sense and they're too nosy and don't mind their own business.
But at least you have the opportunity to set them all straight!
I can't believe that people would ask that! But good for you guys for being such a great example!
I love this post. I got married young too. I actually advise against it for my friends, because if they are asking, I think they don't know if they are ready. We've been married almost 7 years and it's been the best adventure.